So, there's this contest in my city called "Gege Meimei" (哥哥妹妹). It's kind of beauty pageant but there will be a pair of winner in this contest. There will be one guy (哥哥) and one girl (妹妹). I don't know how to address this contest so I just call it beauty pageant because "brain, beauty, behavior" is judged here. "Gege Meimei" (哥哥妹妹) is a community here at my region which aims to introduce Tionghua culture. I just voted for some candidates and most of them look great.
Yesterday, my friend asked me why I didn't join this contest. It didn't take so long for me to answer, "I'm not ready yet." YES, I'm not ready at all for this kind of contest. People keep saying that if you keep waiting, you'll never be ready. But I'm quite sure that I will be ready, someday. I have some thoughts on this contest, where "brain, beauty, behavior" is judged here.
First, I need to have extensive knowledge, not only in general, but in specific way, especially about my own region, West Borneo. I need to understand my own culture and have the ability to introduce it to public. It's not that easy to persuade people to put interest on our culture. If we're bad in presenting our culture, it will end up promiscuous and people won't even look at our culture. That's why I have a little worries on it.
Second, I have to look good, physically good. Beauty plays big role in this kind of contest. When you're presenting something, people will look at your presentable physical appearance first, before getting into what you will talking about. I believe that every girl is beautiful, with or without makeup. However, I feel not really confident being compared with other girls. You may see me beautiful, but honestly I don't feel beautiful enough. I'm a perfectionist. People judge me based on this trait. "Nobody's perfect." YES I KNOW. But at least I will try my best to cover what I lack of. Until now, I still can't find way to hide it. My height is 5'18" which is considered normal for my age, but I'm not really confident with fats all over my body. I mean, my thigh touches each other, and I don't have flat stomach, and yeah, I'm 59 kilograms, almost 60! I'm very desperate with this number, although some of my friends try to cheer me up by saying "it's only a number, dear!" but. it's. almost. sixty! Who the hell wants to see a 60 kilograms girl walking on stage? Well, society sucks now, but we can't blame them. Everyone loves to see beautiful tall skinny lady. That's why I have a big worries on it.
And the third, behavior. I don't really have much worries on this. Because I think I behave well all over my life. I respect elders. I almost always be there for everyone. I'm not trying to gain attention - or I'm not an attention seeker. But sometimes I just feel lonely and I don't speak up my problems. I'm just afraid it will disturb my daily activity in that community. I mean, not everyone is going to like you. I'm the person who is easily disturbed by someone who doesn't like me. Because I have the thought of making people to like me. When I know someone is hating me and spreading hatred or bad gossips about me, it will upset me and I will be like "Okay, I'm going to sit here and think of it" I know, I know, it's not a positive way to respond on this case. And yeah, I will just keep them by myself and it will explode someday in my life. So I'm afraid to make everyone upsets with this situation.
I want to work on those three things before I walk to the stage. I want to be the person who makes my rivals doubt their own self-qualities. I don't want to be on stage while I'm not ready. It will just make me ashamed to walk on the stage with no quality. I think the candidates for this contest have already passed the standard. And everyone seems good-looking, smart, and kind. So, I just wish a very good luck for the candidates and whoever win in the end, I hope you can work on your part well.
No comments:
Post a Comment