I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT

Six months passed.

And I met him yesterday.

I thought I have moved on.

But turned out I was so wrong.

I forced myself to think that way.

While in fact it wasn't like that at all.

He still lingers at every corner of my heart.

His name still gives me ticklish feeling on my tummy.

Heart beats so fast.

Can't even control myself.

Feel the warmth on my face.

I know it turns red when I hear they say your name.

When you talk to me,

I don't even know how to react.

I act like a fool, a very foolish girl.

Because I'm afraid I'd speak stupid thing that will turn your back away once again.

I really want to know.

Have you ever thought about me like I think about you?

Every day, you are still close to my mind.

Can I have you once again?

My goal is not to wake up at 40, with the revelation that I wasted my life in a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.

COMPLETELY RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT LOVE, LIFE, FRIENDS

1. Do you love anyone who's name starts with A? - I used to.
2. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug? - 5 months ago. 
3. Who is the last person that made you smile? - Someone whose name starts with K ;)
4. Do you lose interest in someone easily? - Yes.
5. Who was the last person you flirted with? - I don't flirt with anyone.
6. Are you dating the last person you kissed? - Not anymore.
7. Has anyone ever asked you if you were bi polar? - No.
8. When is the last time you cried? - Last midnight, when everyone is cheering "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"
9. How many people have you given your heart to? - One, so far.
10. Who is the last person that disappointed you? - My ex.
11. What's one thing in your life that you wish you could change? - How I see myself.
12. Do you fall in love easily? - No.
13. Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? - Unfortunately, no.
14. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to? - No.
15. Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? - Yes.
16. Are you trying to avoid liking/loving somebody at the moment? - No, love comes whenever we're ready :)
17. Is there someone that you miss right now? - Yes /blushing/
18. Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? - Yes :( 
19. Do you and your last ex hate eachother? - I don't know but I don't feel like hating him ;(
20. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? - Err, yes :(
21. Do you think that people are trustworthy? - No.
22. How many best friends have you had through out you life? - Three, maybe? 
23. Who's the last person that slept over your house? - My uncle and rest of his family.
24. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? - No.
25. Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life? - Yes, I guess. 
26. Has anyone ever made a difference in yours? - Yes but he walked away :(
27. Is someone on your mind right now? - Yes.
28. Are you too forgiving? - I forgive easily but it's kinda difficult for me to forget what they've done to me.
29. Do you want someone you can't have? - No.
30. Is your last ex still someone you care about? - Yes. 
31. How do you feel about your life right now? - It's still beginning of 2014. I still have no idea how I feel about my life.
32. Has someone put their arm around you in the past five days? - No.
33. What'​​​s one thing ​you do when you're mad? - Cry :(
34. Do you tend to fall for players? - No.
35. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? - No.
36. Did the last person you kiss have tattoos? - No.
37. Are you currently sad about anything? - Sad about my weight :(
38. Do you pray to God often? - Each night.
39. How would you feel if your last ex fell in love with someone else? - /silent/ I...never imagine that it'd happen, so... I don't know. I just don't know...
40. Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you? - My ex. 
41. Do you know anyone who died of breast cancer? - No.
42. How long does it take you to get over someone? - 4 months, maybe?
43. Are your parents strict? - Absolutely yes. It's frustrating me!
44. What are you afraid of? - Darkness.
45. Do people often disappoint you? - Yes.
46. Did you wake up in a good mood this morning? - Yes :) Today is a very great day!
47. Are you a good liar? - No.
48. Do you have any mental disorders? - Is frequently talking by myself counted on? 
49. Which one of your friends is the funniest? - Meg.
50. Would you ever forgive your boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating on you? - No.
51. Are you depressed right now? - Er, no?
52. What's the worst thing about your personality? - Two-sided-face.
53. Is there at least one ex boyfriend/girlfriend you can trust? - Yes.
54. Are you picky about who you date? - Yes.
55. Did you like anyone last summer? - Yes.
56. Have you ever liked someone that all your friends hated? - No.
57. Is there anyone that your texting right now? - Yes.
58. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry? - My sister.
59. Do you honestly like the person you are? - Not really.
60. Have you done many bad things in life? - Kinda.
61. Have you ever been arrested? - No, haha.
62. Who's your best friend right now? - I don't know. I best friend myself. LOL
63. Have your parents ever said they were disappointed in you? - Yes.
64. Is there a key to your heart? - Yes. I just thrown it away to a tank full of piranha. Good luck ;)
65. Has anyone ever stabbed you in the back? - No.
66. Have you ever been called a slut? - Yes.
67. What's the most important thing in a relationship? - Commitment.
68. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? - Yes. Older is better.
69. Have you ever broken someone's heart? - Haha, yes.
70. Have you ever kissed someone that was the same sex as you? - Accidentally, yes.
71. What's worrying you right now? - MONEY MONEY MONEY
72. Do you believe in God? - Yes.
73. Does it bother you if someone doesn't like you? - Yes.
74. Would you ever take someone back after they've cheated? - No. 
75. Do you miss any of your old friends? - Yes.
76. Have you ever been used before? - I think so...
77. Where is the person you gave your heart to for the first time? - He's currently staying in different city.
78. Do you believe that there's good in everybody? - Yes.
79. Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of the year? - This is literally the beginning of the year, so...yes. :D
80. Is there someone you will never forget? - Yes. 
81. Has anyone ever written a song for you? - No, I hope someday I will get one. :)
82. Does it annoy you when people play dumb? - Yes.
83. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be? - I won't tell ;)
84. Are you confused about anything? - My feeling.
85. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? - Yes.
86. Are you a jealous person? - Yes.
87. Do you think you could you handle being in the military? - No.
88. Would you ever quit a bad habit for someone? - Yes.
89. When was the last time you gave your number to someone? - I forget.
90. Have you thought about an ex today? - Yes.
91. Who was the last person to compliment you? - Someone whose name starts with K :) 
92. Are you a social butterfly or a loner? - I used to be a social butterfly but then lately I've been through a lot and choose to be alone.
93. Has anyone said they love you in the last week? - Someone confessed to me last week. 
94. Do you ever think about stuff and start crying? - Yes.
95. Are you keeping a big secret right now? - Yes, everyone has secret.
96. Have you ever walked on the beach at night? - No, but I really want to. Lying under clear skies, counting stars,knowing how small you are in the universe, and of course with someone special beside you.
97. Have you noticed that it's mostly girls who post bulletin surveys? - Yes.
98. When was the last time you felt alone? - Last midnight.
99. Do you want to be famous someday? - Yes!
100. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yes.
101. Are you good at hiding your feelings? - Not really.
102. Are there currently any stressful situations in your life? - No.
103. Who is the last person that said you were sexy? - My ex.
104. Did you kiss anyone tonight? - No.
105. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - Mom. 
106. At what age would you most like to get married? - 28.
107. How often do you type ''<3'? - So often, especially when it comes to KPOP things. LOL :p
108. What if your ex found out you fell in love with another person? - Ask him.
109. When was the last time your mom yelled at you? - Two days ago.
110. Do you trust all your friends? - No.
111. Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? - No.
112. Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life? - He walked out of my life already, and I think I could still survive without him.
113. Do you laugh a lot? - Yes.
114. Anyone say they want to be with you forever? - Yes, and ironically it's my ex.
115. Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart? - Maybe, yes.
116. Do you want your ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? - No. I'm selfish.
117. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? - Yes.
118. Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? - No.
119. When's the last time you were surprised? - Last night when one of my schoolmate sent me voice note on BBM, saying happy new year and told me how beautiful I am and wished me a very great year. She's such a sweetie!
120. If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? - Thanks, but I love you.
121. When was the last time you were drunk? - 2010's New Year.
122. Ever taken a picture kissing someone? - No.
123. Are you giving up on anyone/ anything? - No.
124. Is there anyone you wouldn't mind punching at the moment? - Yes.
125. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? - I think yes, I'm very tolerant.  
126. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? - Yes.
127. What's something new you recently learned about yourself? - Finally my face can grows acne! F*! It's all over my forehead!
128. Do your feelings get hurt easily? - Yes.
129. If you see a girl with big boobs, do you automatically think shes a slut? - No, rather than slut I think she's a goddess. 
130. Why did you last cry? - I don't even know why.
131. Would you want to know the date of your death? - No. 
132. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? - No.
133. Would you prefer a baby girl or boy? - Baby boy.
134. Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? - No.
135. Are you anyone's first love? - No.
136. Would you care if your best friend cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend? - Yes.
137. Whats the last thing you lied about? - Don't even remember.
138. How old were you when you had your first relationship? - 13.
139. What was on your mind mostly today? - Lyrics.
140. Are you in love with anyone at the moment? - No.
141. Have you ever been heartbroken? - Yes.
142. Who is the last person you texted? - Someone whose name starts with K.
143. Who do you trust with your life? - Jesus Christ.
144. Are you very family oriented? - Not really.
145. Are you afraid of falling in love? - No.
146. Isn't it annoying when an ex doesn't leave you alone? - I think no. Find it kind of amazing to know that someone out there is fighting for us. 
147. Who's the last person you told I love you to? - A sweet Korean virtual friend on Twitter.
148. Do you believe that it's best to have a friendship first and then love? - Yes.
149. Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? - Yes.
150. Are you happy with your life right now? - I think yes.

FIRST POST IN 2014!

Helloooooo, my sweet cuppycakes!

IT'S 2014!!! YIPPIE!!!

Well, I decided to list my favorite songs through 2013. I love listening to music and let's look up to my 2013 playlist!

1. Katy Perry - Roar
   "I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, 'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me ROAR..."
   I'm so in love with the lyrics because it tells me how a "coward-living-creature", who stood for nothing, but then turns into a "fierce-and-strong-creature". I have learned to fight back, to stand for my principal, that although now I am "zero" but I will be my own hero someday.
2. Anna Kendrick - Cups (Pitch Perfect's When I'm Gone)
   "When I'm gone, when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me by my hair. You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh... You're gonna miss me when I'm gone..."
   This song tells about a girl who got the tickets to travel to somewhere beautiful and wants a company to make everything seems prettier. But in fact, the one she expects to be with her is not there.
3. Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball
   "I came in like a wrecking ball. I never hit so hard in love. All I wanted was to break your walls. All you ever did was wreck me. Yeah, you, you wreck me..."Broken-heart-girl, being left... I totally give my heart on this song. Like I have loved someone with all my heart but in the end, he left me alone. PS: the music video of this song is gross so just download the mp3 one.
4. P!nk ft. Nate Ruess - Just Give Me A Reason
   "Just give me a reason. Just a little bit enough. Just a second, we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again..."
   Two people in love. A girl who over-thinks. Over-think sucks. She thinks that her relationship is on bad state, that her boyfriend doesn't care at all. But in fact, her boyfriend doesn't feel that way. They're all, in fact, just fine. They only need to talk it out, heart-to-heart.
5. One Republic - Counting Stars
   "Lately I been, I been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard. Said no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars. Yeah, we'll be counting stars..."
   Well, actually I knew this song when I listened to the cover by LEDApple's Hanbyul. His cover is damn great! Click here to watch his cover. I don't really get the meaning of this song. I think this is about a guy who really misses his crush. I just love this song because of the melody.
6. Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful
   "Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will. Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?"
   Will someone still love me when I have crinkles? Someone who will still keep me by his side until the end of the time? I doubt that...
7. Selena Gomez - Slow Down
   "I just wanna feel your body right next to mine, all night long, baby, slow down the song. And when it's coming closer to the end hit "Rewind". All night long, baby, slow down the song..."
   It's not about the lyrics, but when it comes to dancing-by-myself time, this song is top of my favorites!
8. Madilyn Bailey - When You Were My Man
   "It all just sounds like oooooh... Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize that you should have bought me flowers and held my hand. Should have gave me all your hours when you had the chance. Take me to every party cause all I wanted to do was dance. But now baby I’m dancing, but I’m dancing with another man..."
   The originally sung by Bruno Mars and the title is When I Was Your Man. But I am a girl and of course I listen to the female version. So this song is a confession about a woman to her ex to make him realize that now she got a new guy who will treat her better, and that her ex should have regretted to let go a woman like her.
9. Demi Lovato - Heart Attack
   "Puttin’ my defenses up ‘cause I don’t wanna fall in love. If I ever did that, I think I’d have a heart attack..."
   A girl who didn't want to fall in love so she just held her heart back. But one day she met a guy who changed everything. That guy made her nervous but still she didn't want to admit that she has fallen in love.
10. Carly Rae Jepsen - Tonight I'm Getting Over You
    "We're not lovers, but more than friends. Put a flame to every single word you ever said. No more crying to get me through. I'll keep dancing till the morning with somebody new. Tonight I'm getting over you. Tonight I'm getting over you. Tonight I'm getting over you. Tonight I'm getting over you. Over you, over you..."
    Not a friend not a lover thingy is maddening us, isn't it? So just let them go and look for somebody who wants to commit in a relationship, WITH YOU!

So, I think it's 10 of my favorite songs through 2013. I can't wait for another upcoming songs in 2014!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

So goodbye 2013. Welcome 2014!

I just come back from a dinner night at Orchard Hotel with my auntie and her bf. Sooo damn tired but I don't want to sleep yet. I really want to wait until midnight and say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! It sucks that I end this year alone in front of my desktop without someone's special. I still remember clearly what he whispered to me on the last year's midnight. "I hope we could be like this next year..." But turned out we couldn't make it.

I just made my New Year's resolution and you can see it here

Today is the last day of 2013.

We have walked through 364 days in joy and tears, with happiness and sorrow. Leave the bad memories and pains all behind. Don't keep it with you while you're jumping into the new year. List your new year's resolution and make it happens! Eat healthily, drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, stop drinking alcohol.
Let 2014 be your year! Let yourself shine through all the year! God bless you

MY SELCAS THROUGH 2013

This is totally not a wig. People keep saying that I'm wearing a wig. LOL.

YEAH! My first beautifully-drown-winged-eyeliner!

Close-up look.

Stupid face. Meh. :p

Womanizer!

GAMES TO END 2013

I just found a little game on Tumblr and decided to re-post it.

1: Post a selca? - Okay. Will post it on the next post.
2: Do you wear makeup? What makeup do you put on? - Yes. BB cream, mascara, and eyebrow pencil.
3: Do you prefer dark or light haired guys/girls? - Dark haired.
4: What's your favorite song at the moment? - Counting Stars by One Republic.
5: What was the last song you listened to? - Together Forever by Rico J. Puno
6: Do you have any crush? - I have a lot in South Korea. LOL
7: Who is your crush? - Currently crushing over EXO Kris Wu.
8: What are you doing right now? - Sitting in front of my desktop, obviously.
9: Do you have any siblings? - Yep.
10: What's you ethnicity? - Chinese.
11: What's your favorite subject in school? - Computer.
12: What's your favorite color? - Red.
13: What's your favorite sports team? - I don't have any.
14: What's your favorite ice cream flavor? - Peppermint.
15: When did you make your blog? - Last year.
16: How many followers (on Twitter) do you have? - 811.
17: Do you like where you live? - No.
18: Is your room super messy or really clean? - Super messy.
19: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? - Nope.
20: Do you prefer pens or pencils? - Pens.