Obsession

You are the only one I have
No one could ever take your place
No matter how hard I try
I can't find anyone to replace you

I hold on tightly so you can't leave
I grab onto you so I won't have to cry
No matter how many times
You throw me away

Even if you walk ahead for a little while
I will follow you
I will protect you
So you can't forget me easily

I can't escape from this trap
Because I have fallen too deep

GET TO KNOW ME "25 RANDOM QUESTIONS"

1. Do you have any pets? - Yes. It's a campbell hamster and we named it after The Hobbit's main character, Bilbo.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you. - Computer, Cellphone, Music sheet.

3. What's the weather like right now? - It's cold.

4. Do you drive? If so, have you crashed? - I rarely drive and no, I have never crashed.

5. What time did you wake up this morning? - Nine.

6. When was the last time you showered? - 4 hours ago.

7. What was the last movie you saw? - "The Golden Compass"

8. What does your last text message say? - A guy who said that he misses me.

9. What's your ringtone? - Just a classic phone ringtone.

10. Have you ever been to a different country? - Yes. I used to live in Malaysia for two months.

11. Do you like sushi? - DAMN YES!!!

12. Where do you buy your groceries? - Local market.

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? - No.

14. How many siblings do you have? - One little sister.

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? - I have both.

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? - Eighteen. I'm getting old...

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses? - Wear both.

18. Do you color your hair?  - No.

19. Tell me something you're planning to do today. - Eat, sleep, eat, sleep.

20. When was the last time you cried? - When I was fighting with my bestie, I guess...

21. What is your perfect pizza topping? - Cheese and tuna.

22. Which do you prefer, hamburgers or cheeseburgers? - Hamburgers.

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter? - Yes.

24. What is your eye color? - Dark brown.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? - I don't drink soda.

MY THOUGHT ON BEAUTY PAGEANT

So, there's this contest in my city called "Gege Meimei" (哥哥妹妹). It's kind of beauty pageant but there will be a pair of winner in this contest. There will be one guy (哥哥) and one girl (妹妹). I don't know how to address this contest so I just call it beauty pageant because "brain, beauty, behavior" is judged here. "Gege Meimei" (哥哥妹妹) is a community here at my region which aims to introduce Tionghua culture. I just voted for some candidates and most of them look great.

Yesterday, my friend asked me why I didn't join this contest. It didn't take so long for me to answer, "I'm not ready yet." YES, I'm not ready at all for this kind of contest. People keep saying that if you keep waiting, you'll never be ready. But I'm quite sure that I will be ready, someday. I have some thoughts on this contest, where "brain, beauty, behavior" is judged here.

First, I need to have extensive knowledge, not only in general, but in specific way, especially about my own region, West Borneo. I need to understand my own culture and have the ability to introduce it to public. It's not that easy to persuade people to put interest on our culture. If we're bad in presenting our culture, it will end up promiscuous and people won't even look at our culture. That's why I have a little worries on it.

Second, I have to look good, physically good. Beauty plays big role in this kind of contest. When you're presenting something, people will look at your presentable physical appearance first, before getting into what you will talking about. I believe that every girl is beautiful, with or without makeup. However, I feel not really confident being compared with other girls. You may see me beautiful, but honestly I don't feel beautiful enough. I'm a perfectionist. People judge me based on this trait. "Nobody's perfect." YES I KNOW. But at least I will try my best to cover what I lack of. Until now, I still can't find way to hide it. My height is 5'18" which is considered normal for my age, but I'm not really confident with fats all over my body. I mean, my thigh touches each other, and I don't have flat stomach, and yeah, I'm 59 kilograms, almost 60! I'm very desperate with this number, although some of my friends try to cheer me up by saying "it's only a number, dear!" but. it's. almost. sixty! Who the hell wants to see a 60 kilograms girl walking on stage? Well, society sucks now, but we can't blame them. Everyone loves to see beautiful tall skinny lady. That's why I have a big worries on it.

And the third, behavior. I don't really have much worries on this. Because I think I behave well all over my life. I respect elders. I almost always be there for everyone. I'm not trying to gain attention - or I'm not an attention seeker. But sometimes I just feel lonely and I don't speak up my problems. I'm just afraid it will disturb my daily activity in that community. I mean, not everyone is going to like you. I'm the person who is easily disturbed by someone who doesn't like me. Because I have the thought of making people to like me. When I know someone is hating me and spreading hatred or bad gossips about me, it will upset me and I will be like "Okay, I'm going to sit here and think of it" I know, I know, it's not a positive way to respond on this case. And yeah, I will just keep them by myself and it will explode someday in my life. So I'm afraid to make everyone upsets with this situation.

I want to work on those three things before I walk to the stage. I want to be the person who makes my rivals doubt their own self-qualities. I don't want to be on stage while I'm not ready. It will just make me ashamed to walk on the stage with no quality. I think the candidates for this contest have already passed the standard. And everyone seems good-looking, smart, and kind. So, I just wish a very good luck for the candidates and whoever win in the end, I hope you can work on your part well.

ALONE - CELINE DION

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone...

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone...

I AM A SENIOR!!!

I've been waiting for this moment. Ahem, music please.

I DECLARE MYSELF AS A SENIOR.

Well, you may think it's just unimportant stuff but for me, it's the year where I sit on the highest level of high school and the juniors will be like nodding with respect and something like that. But the main thing is, I only got 1 semester of intensive study! And the next semester would be filled by TO and those unwanted stuffs. Don't you think it's unfair that your hardwork for three years is just decided by some kinds of test which only take four days of your life? IT'S UNFAIR! BUT fortunately, the government reconsidered this kind of 'wasting time and money thing' and decided that the passing requirements is 60% determined by the school.

For me have been standing here as a senior, I think time passes really quickly. I just remember entering the school main gate with my super childish style and now I've been in my third year and I do look mature. I have a boyfriend already! And in some kind of time I will go to the university and do part-time job and then sign the contract which will take about 7 years (the longest period). And I hope I could take the graduate program. It's very needed. The higher degree you got, the job will be easier to get. Many people think pessimistically about degrees. "You won't get job in Indonesia. They won't appreciate your hardwork."

YES I DO KNOW IT SO WELL!  

But why don't we take the chance? People need someone with higher ability and working experience in their company! Those words above are only for people who lack of confidence and think they've failed to reach the success.

Well, I'll catch up with you guys soon. Byebye. xx

50 LITTLE THINGS

1.How many pets do you own? Two.

2. What’s your least favorite season? Wet. 

3. Do you prefer to text or call? Call.

4. Morning or night? Night.

5. Do you like tacos? Yes.

6. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Perhaps both.

7. What’s your favorite desert? Banana split.

8. Do you enjoy walks? No.

9. Are you a frequent user of Facebook? Yes.

10. Do you watch animated shows still? Yes.

11. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.

12. What’s your “lucky” number? 8

13. Are you scared of anything? Darkness.

14. Big mac or big whopper? Big mac.

15. Do you like to play board games? No.

16. Are you fond of romantic novels? Yes.

17. Fruitloops or cocopops? Cocopops.

18. Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? No.

19. Are you a heavy drinker? No.

20. Would you forgive someone for cheating? No.

21. Are you superstitious? No.

22. Have you seen A Clockwork Orange? Nope.

23. Do you like to read? Yes.

24. Are you easily distressed? Yes.

25. Do you believe in aliens? Err, no.

26. If you were the last person alive besides one other person you get to chose, who would it be? My boyfriend.

27. Dogs or cats? Dogs.

28. Are you a grumpy person? Kinda.

29. What’s something you hate? Lizard.

30. Are you a worry wart? Yes.

31. Do you like having your picture taken? Yes.

32. Do you like cotton candy? Kinda.

33. Would you ever use a dating site? No.

34. Do you believe in ghosts? Kinda.

35. Rap or pop? Pop.

36. What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried? Never tried the weird ones.

37. Do you like math? NOT AT ALL.

38. Are you the type of person to laugh at others misfortune? Err, kinda.

39. Love or lust? Can I choose both..

40. Do you remember lyrics easily? Yes.

41. What was/is your favorite school subject? English.

42: Do you like tattoos? Yes.

43. Are you the type of person to lie? Nope.

44. Do you eat porridge for breakfast? No, I hate it.

45. What music are you listening to right now? ---

46. Are you allergic to anything? Yes, seafood.

47. Do you like Lady Gaga? YES!

48. What about Nick Minaj? Err, no.

49. Do you like rainy days? No.

50. Last question, do you like pie? Yes.

[ENG] Donghae's Aegyo makes everything Awkward