2016 UPDATES!

Hi! First of all, I really apologize for being inactive for three months since I was getting busy with university and life... Last post was on November, I realized it. Sorry. (for my blog's readers)

In this post, I'm going to summarize what I did on last three months, perhaps the highlights of my life to keep my readers updated with my activities lol (why would anyone interested on what I did? ck.)

As for November, Binus TV celebrated Halloween and it was quite fun for me who didn't really enjoy the ghost party. We watched Babadook and I can't ever forget how creepy the voice of his saying "Babadookdookdook"!!!

Moving to December which was my favorite month of all. First, it's Christmas time! And I traveled to Batam, the birthplace of my boyfie! <3 He took me there to meet up with his family (that's so sweet!) I was there for 5 days (a very short period of visit since he had work to do on the 28th) His family is warm and sweet, and his mom is also a very lovely woman, and also a great cook! It's great since I love eating (nomnomnom)

Christmas Eve's dinner

On January, we had our first anniversary on 25th and since we run out of money (sadly), we didn't celebrate this very special occasion, or even giving each other a gift (duh). Rather we took wefies to heal our sadness :(

February 14th was a very special day for couples since it's Valentine's day. I got him a chocolate cake, and he got me nothing (I didn't expect much either). It was late at night (12am) when we celebrated the Valentine's day. Although I didn't expect much, I was a little bit upset of his unromantic side (I actually cried a bit out of sadness)

Done summarizing! I will try harder to work on this blog more often. So please don't leave me, readers! I'll try my best to keep updating this blog. It's bye from me. Ciao!

Thanks God I've Found You

I just feel so thankful for being deeply loved. 'Cause for all this time, I always thought I was worthless. No one was ever seriously wanted me. They always took me for granted. Never valued me. Treated me like their doll, hurt me like I had no feeling. That's why I come out colder now and speak less.

But he makes me feel worthy and loved. He treats me like I want to be treated by a gentleman. We both may be young, have less experience in relationship, but I do feel so comfortable in love with him. He respects me, my decision, he supports me. He just knows me for weeks but it feels like he has gone through inside me, knowing all goods and flaws I have. I'm not perfect, and he knows it. I have too many flaws and not so confident to show myself. I don't know if he could accept me for who I am or not in the future, but I hope he will. Because it takes so much courage, for me, to trust myself, my heart to someone. Because I'm scared to be hurt again, I'm scared I'd turn to someone I don't want to be.

And I think I never had someone loved me as he loves me in my entire life. Of course, I had people loved me before, but I never felt this kind of love, this is just too hard to be explained. I just feel so thankful.

A Story Written Two Years Ago

I was cleaning my room when I accidentally bumped into the old stack of papers under my desk. And then I found this – a mini diary written two years ago. I couldn’t even hold my tears when I read what I wrote back then. A mindless and naïve girl just wrote anything she thought without even considering what happened behind them.

“He’s sick today. But I still want him to be here. I love him. I don’t know how to show it. It’s just like…every time I want to see him. I’m hurt, but it’s not him who hurts me. He never hurts me. I’m the one who makes everything worse. I want to see him all the time. I don’t know if he feels the way I feel. But at least, I trust him. I trust that he loves me.”

“I can’t imagine if someday he can’t take it anymore and gives up and leaves me. If I said I miss him, I really mean it. If I said sorry, it means I make fault and want him to forgive me. If I said that it’s okay, it means I don’t want to make him worry. I don’t know what to do if he really leaves me someday…”

“Can I survive without him? I told him that I never thought of planning the future. But deep inside, I have planned everything perfectly. Like – we’ll study abroad together and taking the same university, share an apartment, buy groceries together, get tons of couple outfits, build a great house, go to carnival or beach or movie marathon, get the home cinema + very big couch and play video games, and I’ll cook for him every day and he’ll never get bored with the meals… But if someday he suddenly gets tired of me, all things above will be nothing. I can only imagine those things if the guy is him…”

“Every time he says ‘I love you’, I’ll cry because I trust him so much. I don’t want those words to be vanished someday. They said nothing lasts forever but I don’t care. I take this relationship too serious from the first time I said I love him. Maybe he won’t do the same but at least there’s someone who fights for this relationship.”

“To be honest, I feel so jealous when it comes to some kind of girls. Sometimes I just over-think that perhaps he’d choose that girl if he didn’t meet me right now. Like – oh! They both look so damn good together! That’s why I’m scared to death that something precious in my life would be taken away. I trust him but the jealousy can’t be controlled sometimes.”

“I want him in my life. He brings me joy. He’s my boy, part of my world. Maybe he still doesn’t know how much I love him and how much I want him and how much I miss him. I wonder if he read this…”

“One day my friend asked me: ‘What would you do if he suddenly left you?’ – I’ll seek for him or I’ll wait for him. And what if he comes back with a new girlfriend or fiancé or even wife? As long as she’s not his wife, I’ll beat her up. I’ll tell everything to him like ‘I’ve been waiting for you. 30/09 is our date. I love you. If you leave me, I will die. I will jump off the bridge. No, I’m just kidding. But just don’t leave me’ and make him realize that I’m the one. But if she’s his wife, let me be his second wife. Oh yes, it’s a joke (again). Just…can’t you let him go? If she doesn’t want to, I’ll let them live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.”

At first, it would be funny because of the childish things above – like it’s not easy to have a wife leaving her husband. I was just an idiot back then. I didn’t even think what’s happening on his side. We’re only 16 back then. And you know that kind of hormone when you feel everything is normal in that moment but turns worse in seconds. And you’ll be like so dramatic, crying on the couch, playing the role as the broken-hearted woman while the problem actually lies on you. You make yourself drown in your own problem – the problem you created by yourself. So you’ll just be like thinking of it all the time, telling yourself that you’re the worse and he’d leave you and he’d get tired of you. Well, if you’re like that all the time, he’d leave you of course. I’d leave you if I were your boyfriend. So I’ve learned so many things from what have happened in the past. I’m NEWBORN GIRL now!!! Yeah!!! *cheers* I was actually a crybaby last time but now it seems so hard to cry even when I watch Titanic or movies like that. I grow up stronger than before. I hurt – that’s why I am stronger now. I learned from my failure and those things will build me into better person so I’ll be “PERFECT” for my future lover (despite for it’s him or another guy). This is such a dramatic post. You may laugh at me but I learned many things from this. Keep smile and don’t give up! I love you! xx

- SL

HE IS NOT AN IDIOT

I have been asked so many times about how could my ex be an idiot and left a beautiful girl like me. I got tired of that question and I won't answer it because that's out of my capacity to do that. The point is I don't want people to assume that loyalty and love are based on beauty and physical appearance. I don't think my ex would fall in love with me that day if he only looked for beauty - because I am just a plain Jane. And I don't think my ex would stick with me that long if he only wanted me for physical appearance - because I am not hot, skinny, or whatever. Guys are easily bored if they only want you for your body. So, I just want my friends and all people out there to stop assuming that it's idiot for a guy to leave a beautiful girl behind. Relationship failed for a reason, guys. We broke up for an exact reason - we both realized that we don't walk in the same path and that this relationship can't be worth fighting for anymore. It's just too complicated for a teenager like us to face this thing, but that's a fact we cannot avoid. He wanted to stick with his principal and I have to understand his will. He is not an idiot because he used to love me just the way I am. CLARIFIED.

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT

Six months passed.

And I met him yesterday.

I thought I have moved on.

But turned out I was so wrong.

I forced myself to think that way.

While in fact it wasn't like that at all.

He still lingers at every corner of my heart.

His name still gives me ticklish feeling on my tummy.

Heart beats so fast.

Can't even control myself.

Feel the warmth on my face.

I know it turns red when I hear they say your name.

When you talk to me,

I don't even know how to react.

I act like a fool, a very foolish girl.

Because I'm afraid I'd speak stupid thing that will turn your back away once again.

I really want to know.

Have you ever thought about me like I think about you?

Every day, you are still close to my mind.

Can I have you once again?

Always Remember Me (Poem)

Your gentle touch

The warmth of your embrace

The passion of your kiss

Precious times that felt ever so divine

I thought that they would never leave

But...

Even though I can't reach you anymore

I can't open my eyes to find you there

I'll always have my memories

Though they are not as warm as the hands

That always made me feel so safe 

I know they will never disappear as you know have

My beloved,

My heart is forever yours

Even if you're lost

Beyond where my trembling voice can reach you

Even if your memories fade

Or disappear into the darkness

I'll never forget the precious times

When we faced the world together

My beloved,

For today, for tomorrow,

For the days that may never return,

Never forget the words we once exchanged...

"I love you..."

"Look at them! They're still together?"

I'm back and I'm going to talk about R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P today...

People tend to ask, "They're still together?" when a couple has been in a relationship for 3 months or more. It's like something amazing happened when it comes for couple who is still together in 3 months. 3 months are such a very short period, guys! I've been asked by some of my friends:

1. You guys are still together? How come?
2. Are you guys never be in fight?
3. How could you guys last this long?

And I will just answered, "This is just a beginning. 3 months are too short for us to know each other! And alright, we've been in fight, dramatic and tragic story. But we survived!"
Teens these days are difficult to survive those dramas in their relationship. They tend to give up, stop fighting for the one they love, and move on. Forgetting that they used to love each other and don't want to let each other go. So I'm here for giving you some advice when you both are fighting (hope it'll work for you guys):

• Communication. When you find yourself uncomfortable in some point of your relationship, go talk to them. Tell them what you feel. I found out that it's difficult for some couples, but if you want to survive the dramas, you have to THROW OUT what inside you!
• Forget the past. You cannot bring up the past in the fight. I mean if they did something and you've forgiven them, it just seems not right to spoil those mistakes out from your mouth again. It will hurt them. 
• Say sorry and mean it. Don't say "I'm sorry" easily and do the same thing tomorrow morning. Say it when you really feel you've hurt them and want to change.
• Don't yell. Don't hit. If you're the guy and you hit your girl, kiss my ass. Girl, you don't deserve a man like him. Just leave him. And girls, please don't yell. Your boyfriend isn't deaf.
• When it comes to the girls who cry when both of you're fighting, the guys only need to stay there and keep silent until the girls stop crying. After that, you can talk to her about your problem.

I only get a few advice for you. Sorry >.< Actually me and Andrian seldom be in a fight, but when we fight, it will be him who got angry, and me who will cry like baby LOL~ But we don't need a long time to get together. It only lasts 3 hours, if I'm not wrong. Relationship without fights is just sooooo boring, dear. I mean, if we fight, we'll get to know the sides of them. The sides that slowly will be uncovered in your relationship...